Charli XCX debuted a new song, “So I”, dedicated to her friend and the late producer SOPHIE Wednesday night (March 6) at the 2024 Billboard Women In Music Awards held at YouTube Theater in Los Angeles.
“This song is about a person who’s really, really special to me who’s no longer with us,” XCX announced ahead of the performance. “It’s called ‘So I.’”
The spare, ultimately soaring ballad reflects on the famed creative partnership XCX had with the producer, who died in a fall during an accident in January 2021. “Always on my mind/ Every day, every night,” the song’s chorus goes. “Your star burned so bright/ Why did I push you away/ I was scared sometimes/ You had a power like a lightning strike.”
XCX and SOPHIE are credited with creating the influential electronic genre hyper-pop, along with producer A.G. Cook. (Read the complete lyrics to “So I”, which will be included on XCX’s forthcoming album BRAT, below.)
After the performance, XCX accepted the Powerhouse Award, giving a candid, funny speech about the not-always-sexy realities of being a woman in music.
“I feel like so many women in this room have been asked, ‘What’s it like to be a woman in music?’ or ‘Do you feel like it’s getting better for women in music?’” she said. “And my answer to that … is ‘I don’t know,’ because being a woman is so nuanced and complex all the time, let alone through the lens of a very male-focused industry like the music industry.”
“Some of the things that I personally deal with on a daily basis as a woman are, I wake up sometimes and I feel so positive and confident and I’m like, ‘Hey, I look sick,’” she continued. “And on other days I’m like, ‘I hate my jawline. I wish I looked more like that beautiful woman, or I wish I was … like these beautiful woman, like these beautiful artists. I wish I was as successful as this artist; I wish I was as niche as this artist and it’s a f–king headf–k, you know?”
“And I know that we’re not supposed to stand on this stage and say that,” she went on. “I know we’re supposed to stand on this stage and say ‘I love every woman and we’re all supporting each other all the time and it’s epic.’ And you know what? On nights like tonight, we are. But it’s also really competitive and it’s really hard sometimes. And the media does that to us, labels do that to us, the narrative around being a women does that to us, and it’s really tricky.
“But it’s nights like this where we can all come together and we can not only celebrate the fact that we’re women, but the fact that we’re all really incredible artists making really incredible music each in our own different lane, being confident, doing our own thing, creating our own sounds and putting our artistry first.”
Watch Charli XCX’s performance above, and acceptance speech below:
“So I” Lyrics
Always on my mind
Every day, every night
Your star burned so bright
Why did I push you away
I was scared sometimes
You had a power like a lightning strike
When I’m onstage sometimes at night
Say that I’m singing these songs you left behind
And I know you always said
It’s OK to cry
I can cry, I can cry, so I cry
Wish I tried to pull you closer
You pushed me hard
Made me focus
Your words, brutal, loving, truthful, I was pushed too far
You’re a hero, and a human, trackwise, don’t I make excuses
You’d say come on, stay … and I’d say, “No I’m fine”
Always on my mind
Every day every night
Your star burned so bright
Why did I push you away
I was scared sometimes
You had a power like a lightning strike
When I’m onstage sometimes at night
Say that I’m singing these song you left behind
And I know you always said it’s OK to cry
So I know I can cry, I can cry, so I cry
Guilty feelings keep me fractured
Got a phone call after Christmas
Didn’t know how I should act
I watched you burn so bright
Your songs, your words, you’re gone
Unless, when I make songs I remember things you’d suggest, make me feel … like this one
Maybe just a little bit
Always on my mind
Every day every night
Your star burned so bright
Why did I push you away
I was scared sometimes
You had a power like a lightning strike
When I’m onstage sometimes at night
Say that I’m singing these song you left behind
And I know you always said, it’s OK to cry
So I know I can cry, I can cry, so I cry
