Harry Potter, the Godfather trilogy, Twilight? Please. There is only one movie series to rule them all and noted Ringmaster Stephen Colbert proved it on Wednesday night (Dec. 15) with a blow-out, all-star hip-hop tribute to what he assured Late Show viewers is the undisputed “greatest trilogy in movie history.”
“And I know I have said that many times before, but I have never — not once — rapped it… until now,” he said, before doing just that in an epic five-minute tribute to his beloved Middle Earth trifecta of J.R.R. Tolkien movie adaptations. “It’s the number one trilly, try to deny it/ And you just sound silly/ World-wide gross of almost three billy/ 16 times what they made on Free Willy,” Colbert and band leader Jon Batiste rapped in front of a giant LOTR neon sign.
With Colbert rocking a classic white fur Kangol and snow white parka, the pair strolled through an old-school video store as they dunked on The Godfather (“doesn’t even have one elf!”) and Star Wars (“Jar Jar can go ahead and suck my… ring”) and introduced a quartet of hardcore hobbits: Dominic Monaghan (aka “Lil Merry”), Billy Boyd (“Big Pippin’”), Sean Astin (“$amwi$e G”) and Elijah Wood (“Frodo Motha F%#$@&’ Baggins”), who dropped intricate, interwoven lines like the Run-DMC of Rivendell.
“Elf, dwarf, wizard, human, hobbits at the shire/ Bring the ring to Mount Doom and I throw it in the fire,” Wood nimbly rapped. “Best trill ever and don’t you forget/ That’s right Ann Kendrick, Pitch Perfect ain’t s–t!” Astin snarled, which led to a smash-cut of a bewildered Kendrick at home unpacking groceries and feeling very attacked.
“What the hell? I thought we were friends,” she groused.
Colbert also roped in some ringers, with Wu-Tang Clan legend Method Man dropping some of his own Misty Mountain morsels from atop a New York skyscraper. “Lordy lordy we won some awards/ Be cuttin’ down pretenders like Aragorn’s sword, g/ 17 Oscars, that’s king s–t forever/ That’s more than these three motherf—ers put together,” he rhymed as posters of Mad Max, Casino Royale and Toy Story popped up behind him.
One of Colbert’s ace rap pals, Killer Mike, also got in on the Barrow Blade-swinging action, taking aim at a few more weak contenders on his way to dissing Kendrick once again for appearing in the Twilight series. “Back to the Future, oh you got a Delorean?/ We got sexy elves all over Lothlórien/An archaeologist?/ Sorry, I’m snorin’/ It’s Indiana Jones and the Temple of Borin,” he rapped, while taking a swipe at the Dark Knight series as “capitalist propaganda.”
Even Legolas himself Zoomed in wearing a blue hoodie, gold chain and cloud-covered puffy coat. “The women are gorgeous, the fellas are cute,” Orlando Bloom rapped before making way for Hugo Weaving to drop some elegant Elvish bars, while Gollum (Andy Serkis) played the flute. “Lord of the Rings is the number one trilly” they all rapped in unison to end the one celebration to rule them all.
Check out the video below.
